I feel so ashamed that I cried...
Was surfing the net ever since I came back from work..
Skipped dinner juz coz mummy dearest did not cook my share of the rice and too lazy to buy for one self from the market downstairs
Apparently MacDelivery does not exist in my dictionary (it's frigging ex! I'm too damned cheapo to pay that extra top up coz I merely want a Machicken *bleah*)
Drooling over Chanel bags in a particular blog, I resisted the urge to immediately call my baby and *bambi eyes* and *tear like a damsel in distress* and *whimper* in my softest, most gentle tones that I do want a Chanel 2.55 classic medium with silver hardware in white caviar leather(see how precisely I am..) for X'mas. Or how about a limited edition cabas tote in brown leather? *loud sigh* But I did not. I know he is busy at work, settling some stuff before he fly off to China for more stuff. I could not just bring upon him more shit. My poor baby had not even eaten (wait a minute, neither did I! blah!)
My parents were in the living room watching TV and at times, I was attracted by the sounds outside. I stood in the small non-existent hallway and watched along with them. There was this show, Life Transformer, hosted by Quan Yifeng and Christopher Lee.
Some program about helping the poor whom might be living in accommodation that might not be so 'accommodating". The program profiled a certain Mr. Lai, only sole breadwinner of the family. His two daughters committed suicide and the eldest daughter was badly affected by their deaths. She was dazed and brooding inside her room when the crew showed up at her house. The eldest son (or was the 2nd son?!) was somewhat pleased to see the gang at his house, smiling sheepishly and repeating his words every now and then. Mr. Lai, in his seventies goes around collecting unwanted stuff so that he could sell for a mere few dollars. His health ain't so good and so is Mrs. Lai. Both have medical bills outstanding. He claimed that they do not cook extensively at home because they could not bear the gas bills and mostly they survive on instant noodles. At times, they could have "better" stuff, defined as those $2 or $3 "mixed veggie mixed rice".
When I heard that, my heart dropped... What I had find plain and boring, bland to my liking, edible only when I force myself to make do when there is no better choices (sushi, Ashtons, Subway blah blah). And there I'm crying and shedding tears coz this stranger before me, inside the telly, is mourning over the loss of his daughters and treasuring the fact that a $2 mixed rice palate means so much to him. I am so ashamed...
Mr. Lai has gone through the deaths of 2 daughters, his only surviving daughter is keeping to herself, seemingly to be in her own lost world. His one son is overseas, working as an odd job labourer, another son here but not being able to work nor take care of himself. A grand daughter born from one of the late daughter, is distancing herself from the house, staying out late. He lacks a humane contact, nobody seem to understand him nor cared about about him. Yet he has to go through each and everyday, surviving just because there are 4 others dependent on him...
I am such a pampered bitch, not knowing nor treasuring how lucky I am. I cried. Here I am, coveting some ridiculous overpriced leather whereas on the other side of the isl, there is some poor soul wondering when will his next meal come. I am so ashamed. I am supposed to be a strict diet of no shopping, no bags, no shoes yet I'm breaking every rule hard and fast.
I am conceited and arrogant. I am brash and and hardened. I have no soul. I am so ashamed...
I had forgotten to give back to the poor and needy for this festive season, or even for all the 4 seasons...
I stopped my net surfing after the program and reflected abit. I was a real idiot. No more wishful thinking (for X'mas). I realised that if money spent on a Chanel is spent elsewhere, it would be more beneficial instead. I need a decent house for the future; my future. I dun think I can stay in a Chanel bag. I dun think a Chanel can help me get a roof over my head if I intend to have a happy ever after ending with my baby. I know it's sooo nice to be able to receive a black box with white ribbons, 6 lovely white emblossed letters that spell CHANEL, sending me into a breathless ecstasy BUT... (this BUT is really important) I just can't afford a Chanel 2.55 now.
I dun wish to divert from my priorities and make my baby suffer. I dun wish to let him have the burden of supporting the family when I'm frittering my money on lavish bags. I dun wish my baby to cut his expenditure and live frugally when I' m throwing money to my favourite SAs in Orchard.
I should stop behaving like a spoiled brat now...
And now as I end my blog, I mentally make a note that I should be more thrifty now. I should think about the community and give back some, as much as I can.
* PEACE TO THE WORLD *
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