Reflections - 2010

YOG - Singapore 2010 Youth Olympic Games
1st in the world, and I played a part in the transportation! Who can make up for all the lost hours of sleep just to ensure nothing went wrong?!

Great times and I nearly cried on the last day coz I know I'm gonna miss it so much...



Tokyo trip
not once but twice! Yippppeeee! I spent my time travelling alone most of the times. I absolute love the Japanese culture and people. Everything is so much nicer, fresher and prettier compared to what we have but then again, there were brutual stabbings, elderly being knocked down by cars on the news almost daily.. Makes me think twice about everything is nicer, better over there, hehehe

I was struck in a train platform for nearly two hours, with torrent rains warnings broadcasting on their local radios. Such an experience!



Phuket trip
For once, me and L ventured out of our comfort zone (Bangkok) and explored. It was fun coz we did everything thru scratch. I made Lawrence walked endlessly to search for the cheapest island tour package. We walked to find nice, cosy eateries frequented by the locals instead of what was recommended in guide books. Not only that, it rained most of the time when we were in Phuket and we spent our time hiding underneath giant beach brollies on the beach instead of getting the sun.



Realization
I started to think of the kinda married life I want. Realised that perhaps L might not be the kinda person I wanna spend my time with when I'm older.. He's nice but I feel he just dun understand me well or deep enough...



Slowdancing
He always hold me tight and with my feet on his feet, he would lead me around the room. A sweetest gesture that has touched me in which I always feel he belong with me only...



Chill out nights
The times we spent quietly talking and listening to the pub's background music. At times when I tried to steal a few glances at him, he would always turn towards me and give me a smirk, as to say "Gotcha!".

December 2010

It's December, my favourite month of the year!
All those year end parties, the networking, my friends, the booze and the morning after hang-overs..

I'm exhausted..
Really am...
Didn't really attend a lot of parties, I'm really surprised my friends can come up with any excuse to have a party, geeeze..
Rather, quality time was spent chilling, drinking wine in quiet dainty bars.
I realise I really love wine even though I'm not a conorsoissur, perhaps I should develop my love even more.
I stopped seeing him.
Partically was he was still travelling too much.
Mainly was I'm confused.

We told ourselves, decided that we should enjoy ourselves in December.
We would see each other again once we are ready, or rather, I am ready...
Is there such a thing of being ready?
I mean after all the turmoil that has passed?
Am I always not ready? I do not know...

I think of him sometimes, but not all times.
I worried for him too but I didn't pick up the phone and call..
I let my fears washed me through..
Sometimes a certain song would remind me of him and I shut my mind off
And sometimes I would juz recalled the happy memories we once shared
And after the walk in memory lane, images of me alone and scared would surfaced, haunting me..
Me blaming him that he's never by myside..
Even though I know how much he (claimed) wanted to be...

I skipped his Xmas present coz I do not know what to get him..
I never know what he likes, he never what I like either..
Previously we told each other to get what we wanted thus we definitely won't be making wrong choices..
But since we ain't really calling each other up, I really do not know what he wants..
Oh, and I do not know what I want either..

Want from us, want from him, want from me, want from us....
I don't think I'm ready...
Such a shame...