December 2010

It's December, my favourite month of the year!
All those year end parties, the networking, my friends, the booze and the morning after hang-overs..

I'm exhausted..
Really am...
Didn't really attend a lot of parties, I'm really surprised my friends can come up with any excuse to have a party, geeeze..
Rather, quality time was spent chilling, drinking wine in quiet dainty bars.
I realise I really love wine even though I'm not a conorsoissur, perhaps I should develop my love even more.
I stopped seeing him.
Partically was he was still travelling too much.
Mainly was I'm confused.

We told ourselves, decided that we should enjoy ourselves in December.
We would see each other again once we are ready, or rather, I am ready...
Is there such a thing of being ready?
I mean after all the turmoil that has passed?
Am I always not ready? I do not know...

I think of him sometimes, but not all times.
I worried for him too but I didn't pick up the phone and call..
I let my fears washed me through..
Sometimes a certain song would remind me of him and I shut my mind off
And sometimes I would juz recalled the happy memories we once shared
And after the walk in memory lane, images of me alone and scared would surfaced, haunting me..
Me blaming him that he's never by myside..
Even though I know how much he (claimed) wanted to be...

I skipped his Xmas present coz I do not know what to get him..
I never know what he likes, he never what I like either..
Previously we told each other to get what we wanted thus we definitely won't be making wrong choices..
But since we ain't really calling each other up, I really do not know what he wants..
Oh, and I do not know what I want either..

Want from us, want from him, want from me, want from us....
I don't think I'm ready...
Such a shame...