Belief

What do you believe in?
Had watched the Da Vinci Code. There's this question that set me thinking. Never a religious person, ain't gonna talk 'bout religions here. Yet I find this question very intriguing. Couldn't sleep after the show not because I felt cheated of my whole ten bucks. The show sucks big time but this question set my mind working.
Belief is a strong emotion. With belief, there's trust. From trust, it develops into confidence. With confidence, one can overcome any obstacle. Yet 1st of all, one must believe....

I believed in Santa Claus a long time ago. Every year, I believed Mr Claus had been hardworking coz I did get what I want. Yet he came in the form of a nerdy skinny guy who always wear striped polo tops, turning up at my doorstep claiming Father Claus was too busy to come to this side of the globe, so that was why my cousin had to take his place instead. After I turned eight, it suddenly dawned on me that there wasn't chimneys in HDBs and that I had cheated in my spelling test once, yet I still gotten my Carebear soft toy. A yellow Sunshine bear that brings joy to people around him...
I felt Father Claus had been slacking in his research studies on disciplinary conduct or he could simply be biased. Which means other bad children could still be getting presents yearly whereas the good ones could have been missed out. Plus the fact that my cousin turning up in weird colored striped polos was getting on my nerves. He didn't looked much like a Santa elf. I forced my cousin to tell me the bittter truth about the presents. My heart was broken when I knew Father Claus could juz be a myth on this world. I stopped believing in him....

I believed in my dad when he promised me a car if only I pass my driving license. I booked myself down for as many pratical lessons as I could afford. Failing 3 times, I had never given up. I wanted a car. A cute little white Beetle with black roof.... My elder bro was sniggering at my inability to reverse park properly. Of coz Mr Talented had passed all his theory, practical tests for both bike and car license at the 1st try. He couldn't believe his sis was such a dumb ass who couldn't tell the wheel direction from the turning of the steering wheel. My failure was embrassing enough, not to mention it put a huge hole in my pocket. Working part-time then, I was investing all my earnings on the lessons.
On the morning of my 4th attempt of the driving test, my dad was rather convincing. He said a car would be ready with a gigantic purple bow to welcome me home if only I had my driving license in hand...I nearly cried when the test was over and my instructor congratulated me, requesting for all necessary documents to process my license. I bet my instructor had sighed relief that his weakest student had finally passed. (Heh) I was grinning all the way home. Bursting thru the main door, I went straight to my dad. I was shattered to know his promise had all along merely been a form of encouragement for me. I believed his promise would be fulfiled so that was why I had wanted to work hard. I couldn't forgive the lie but I don't deny it gave me the strength and faith to carry on. Oh by the way, my dad still refuses to let me drive his car for fear that I would wreck it ... (hehehe)

I believed in a man once. We were happy together. I believed he would be the father of my children. I believed we would grow old, holding hands strolling in the park with all the grandchildren around us. As time passed, it took more than a belief to keep the relationship going. I found myself eating alone, doing the household chores alone, walking the dog alone, sleeping alone. It's as if i was in a relationship with myself. One thing for sure, I was not alone when it came to picking fights. He couldn't stand me when I nag, I was displeased with his selfishness in maintaining the relationship.
My belief diminished. Disappointment took over the place of belief and slowly resentment settled in. I didn't want to believe anymore. Especially not in him nor in myself. I was too tired to believe, to have faith, to over come any obstacles. I stopped seeing him. Yet with my disbelief, it kinda made me stronger. I was abled to live alone without him,(itwas what I had done in the past mah...) I had my own life back, enjoying the things I had done before. I believed one good thing had come out from our relationship was it had made me tougher.....


Belief is juz a word yet it is everything within oneself. Inside a beating heart, a moving soul. Belief is something one has a choice over. Believe in yourself before you believe in others...