Closure

A love that does not exist anymore, why am I still holding on?
A love that was once perfect to me, has only wasted to bittersweet memories
A love built on pure ignorance, grew jaded from life's realities.
A love that allowed itself to be crushed by pride could not survive.
A love that is surrounded by doubts and insecurities, is that "Love'?

Perhaps I had said some things that hurt you.
Yet what you don't know is you chose to hurt me more.
In the past , I didn't want you to see my vulnerable side,
I didn't want you to know I was afraid and insecure of losing you.
All this while, you wanted me to be happy but silly me always claimed I could not feel your love.
I masked my insecurities thinking I can be strong.
By assuming I was strong, stronger than you, I could take on us, take on your love and you....

Yet I had not expected my front caused you to run from me.
I didn't know my so-called strength was causing a rift between us.
We just quarrelled without any meaning or reason to..
My stubborness, your ego were the weapons in this battle with each other.
And how I fought together with my stupidity, refusing to step down from the warzone.
You fought with a weariness that manifested with each bicker, quarrel and fight.

You became dubious of your love whilst I grew more needy.
I pained for you to hold me every night and whispered "Everything's gonna be alright" Even after our fights, I just want to cry in your arms and apologise for my wanton pride.
I just want you to hold and forgive me but you shut me off.
As strips of my facade started to peel, you got more confused.
Am I really what I am protraying and what did I protray to you?!

Now, you made your choice, which you wanted me to accept as my choice too.
I couldn't, I never will but my pleas were useless to you...
You decide to be free, free from my needy bounds, whilst I stay handcuffed to our past memories.
You walk away with your head high but I'm crushed by the wrongs of our love.

My dreams and aspirations were suspended in that surreal world where I make believe you are still by my side.
My laughter and joy hide behind closed doors which you took the keys as you walked away from me.
My composure, desolate and weak, shows signs of crumpling behind a new facade of smiles to anyone and everyone...

How I wish our time together could been reversed.
How I wish I could stripped my false front and laid bare to you...
How I wish I could let you count on me and me unto you.
How I wish you could hold my hand and whisper "Everything's gonna be alright"
How I wish you can come back to me....