Stupidity

Stupidity had really clouded my judgement and made me lose my mind.
Where had I gone so wrong that I could not even recognise myself now?
What had I succumbed to that made me less humane now?

I fear. I fear the path ahead. I fear myself. I fear the lies I told, to convince people I am alright.
I fear the lies I told myself too.
What a load of BS!
I cower in the face of uncertainty, I weep at my stupidity.
Like a prayer before bed, I tell myself every night, "This is my cross to bear"
And I lie wide awake in the darkness, letting old memories swarm over me.

I hate my stupidity. I hate my weakness.
I hate the excuses I gave just to wallow in this hole.
I hate this deceit that he gave me, this deceit I gave myself too.
My holding on, a weakness, a joke even....